Heartache

Would you give up your relationship with your spouse and child just to have a relationship with your parents? {more so just one of your parents} Is having the biggest house and all the newest toys what is most important and truly needed to make one happy? Supposedly to my father you do.

My father does not know how to "love" unconditionally. Over the years, I have learned that my father is the type that likes to keep up with the "Jones". Because it is name brand or cost a lot "MUST" make it better than the rest. My momma on the other hand, loved unconditionally. She welcomed my hubby right into her family, unlike my father. During my momma's illness, I learned that my hubby was not welcome into my father's life. I have struggled with my feelings and wanting a relationship for my daughter with her grandfather. But I do not believe in sacrificing my family just so I can have a relationship with my father. My husband does not beat me, does not belittle me, provides a home for us and does what he loves ~ runs 2 companies and is a volunteer fire fighter} We may not live in a huge home {yes...it is a doublewide}, our cars are paid for, my daughter is in private school, my daughter swims year round, we have a Wii, ipods, cameras, do not mind shopping at consignment shops and vacation at the beach every year. Ask my daughter and she would tell you that she is happy. I work part-time so that I can be there to pick my daughter up every day....yet my father is embarrassed of me and feels that I am not providing for my daughter. My daughter is caring and compassionate and loves to give to others. To me, this is providing!

I grew up in an affluent family and lived in a 4000 square foot home.....and honestly don't care. That is just stuff...FAMILY is what is important to me and if you feel you need to judge me on "WHAT" I have or do not have, then I actually feel sorry for you. I have finally come to the conclusion that I will NEVER have a relationship with my father.....because my husband and daughter mean the world to me!

When you look at your life, the greatest happiness's are family happiness's. ~Joyce Brothers

ps. can you tell which pair of jeans actually cost over $800?

TIME Flies...wish I could

WOW - it has been FOREVER since my last blog!!! Sorry....I know that you all were sitting on the edge of your seats waiting!!! So much has seemed to pack itself into the last 2 weeks. Where to begin....giving the short version:

1. Second CAT scan came back inconclusive about the "growth" on my liver. They "THINK" it is nothing....but can not SAY for sure. soooooo.....what to do??? HELLO!!!! BIOPSY - DUH


2. 3 days later - laid out on the CAT scan table having a biopsy of the liver.....thinking that "I am too young for this" {said the same thing about the colonoscopy!!!} {June 8th}


3. TEST results - hemangioma - YEAH!!!!!! {still not happy to have it though}


4. My momma's estate lawyer gives me good news that I may actually get some of my momma's items from my father - seems we struck a deal - YEAH!!!!! {this was about JUNE 10th}


5. Leave for the BEACH!!!! - this is a GREAT thing!!!!


6. JUNE 17th - get email from the lawyer that my father basically is NOT going to cooperate and refuses to share ANYTHING!!! and even wants me to hand over anything that was my momma's {ie. the furniture} - TOTALLY NOT what he and the lawyer talked about....and to boot - he has taken me out of his will and will take his grand-daughter out too if I dont "get my shit together" {this is coming from a man who has spoken to his grand-daughter about 4 times since OCTOBER 2008} So basically I have NO access to any pictures or anything that may be related to my mother. He is trying to cut me out totally.


7. Based on all the "fun" stuff going on with my father {and I use the term loosely} you can assume that I DID NOT contact him for Father's Day {I didn't last year either - when my momma was alive}


SO...you can see there have been ups and downs. The Beach vacation was much needed and a welcome adventure. We go every year and meet up with friends ...... so relaxing!!! I will update with pics hopefully by tomorrow. Getting back into the swing of things is SLOW!!! Please bear with me.....

picture credit: ang brinker