Her memory lives on....

On October 7th, it will be a year since my momma passed. I am doing better...I don't seem to be crying all the time....but my heart strings still tug at all the memories. I was able to get my families photo albums from my father {took a lot of patience} and it is WONDERFUL!!! I now find myself sitting here reliving so many great moments with my momma.

I have thought of getting a tattoo long before my momma passed. I knew that whatever I was going to get would be with me forever, so I was taking my time in choosing the design....also, I admit...I was chicken!!! I also have been wanting to get my nosed pierced....yup - call me CRAZY!!!

So......what changed??? Bailey and I met my friend Jen at the mall on Saturday for a girls day. Over lunch, she asked if I wanted to go with her the next day...she was going to get a new tat. I figured that I may not be ready for my tat...but I would get my nose done.

Sunday - Jen and I head off to Warlock's to meet Mark. Jen new what she wanted...I was determined to get my nose pierced....but ~ it was not in the cards for me. The piercing person was not there.....so.....where did that leave me? Getting a tattoo. Standing there in the lobby surrounded by TONS of images....what to choose. I figured it was time....time to get my guardian angel. I asked if they had cancer ribbons....they were all pink, purple, multi color....but I new mine would be pearly. {lung cancer} I found the image above and new.....this was the one. I had it placed on the inside of my left wrist so that I can look at it every day, place it close to my heart and kiss it....knowing that my momma is always with me. It hurt like HELL...I can not lie...but I am so happy that I got it. no regrets!!!

So....what about the nose piercing...that will have to wait until another day.

You found WHAT ......Where???

Last week was 9/11. I did not know anyone personally that was lost that day, but my husband is a fire fighter and I am so proud of all the people that serve this country. I was listening to a local radio station yesterday morning and what I heard was alarming ~ but not so very surprising. A woman had called in. She was traveling by plane from the RDU to I believe somewhere on the west coast and even had to change planes. She had a laptop {her sons} that was her carry-on ~ here at RDU she pulled the laptop out from the bag and placed both on the conveyor belt at the security stop. Everything looked good and she boarded her plane. Her trip was great. As she prepared to pack up to head home, she began to pack up the laptop. She opened one of the side compartments on the laptop bag and found a SIX inch pocket knife!!!! This bag had not left her side during her whole vacation....which means that it was there when she went through security in RDU...and their X-Ray machine did NOT pick up on it. THIS FREAKS ME OUT!!!! If this got through....what else is getting through???? I truly do not believe that after 8 years, we are any better protected from an attack. Next time I fly, I will most definitely be praying the WHOLE flight.....

sucking air through a straw

I think I have finally figured out what is going on with ME. For the last couple of months I have just not "felt" like myself....a little off. I go through the motions of each day, but can't seem to get motivated fully. I now know what is happening....I am swimming under water trying to "suck air through the straw of life" You know when you look up toward the sky under water and everything is distorted....and looks distant....well...that is how I feel. I want to climb back to the top and grab hold of life.

Part may be that after losing my momma and having my father disown me...kinda left me floundering for "who" I am. I have a GREAT & AWESOME hubby and daughter...and my in laws are the BOMB! but, {yup - the illustrious "BUT"} I seem to be at a loss for "WHO" I am. Over the past several years I have been in therapy and been able to look back and study my childhood. I am not a fan of "blame the parents" .....but your parents are who shape and mold you and are supposed to "guide" you. Please do not get me wrong...I do NOT blame my parents for who I am today.....every experience I have gone through has brought me to "who" I am today.

A little history - my mother and father were of the era that the wife was "devoted" to the husband. He said breathe and she did. He gave her an allowance - because he did not want her to work. They held their monthly bridge parties, and she was the glamorous host at his business get togethers. Times have definitely changed!!! But about 16 years ago, my mother LEFT my father because she was tired of that life and wanted to become her own person. Have her own life and do what she wanted when she wanted.....plus - she was tired of dealing with his bouts of depression {he did not get dressed for a whole year}

Coming up - I honestly can say I was a good kid. I never have tried drugs, I never snuck out or broke curfew. - now that is not to say that I did not drink, mess around and play pranks. My father had me studying ALL year, attending the best prep school all in the hopes to attend DUKE ~ HIS undergrad school. {as well as my mommas} Since birth it was drilled in me that I would go to Duke. Every ball I kicked, every day I volunteered at the hospital, every book I read was all for DUKE. Guess what....I went to NCSU!!!! go Wolfpack!!!! {could not get into DUKE}

I do not regret the life I have lived, but I do wish that I could have been allowed to follow my dreams. I loved to dance and did so for 14 years, but that was not something that I could pursue. I played soccer with reckless abandonment as well as fast pitch softball. I even was on a year round swim team for a while. I guess you can say I am VERY VERY competitive. I have always wanted to live at the beach, live a summer in Europe, and get in a car and just "GO". But...I has a "PLAN" - my father's plan. DUKE. {a little in site into my father....what he says goes, he gives advice, but if you do not listen to it and use it, you are WRONG}

I am now 38 and trying to figure out what I want to do. I am happily married {I married who I wanted to} and have a beautiful daughter. Yes I have many dreams, and one day they may happen. But I have a new outlook on life - I am not letting anyone dictate my life {except GOD} - squish my dreams and tell me that I am worthless. I even want to take more classes so that I can attempt a new career. GO ME.

So, now you can see how I can be in this "funk" I am trying to come up for air, and my hubby keeps reminding me that I am a GOOD and caring person. I guess it is time to visit my therapist again....register for classes next fall and begin the slow assent to the top of the "pool". I will find myself one day.......but until then, I am slowly "sucking air through a straw"

El Shaddai

Any time I am having a "tough" time....I close my eyes and lift my heart to the Lord.

My sister in law is in need of Prayer.....I lift her up to the LORD!!!

Amy Grant has always been able to give me a sense of peace when my heart is hurting.

El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Elyon no Adonai [God almighty, God almighty, God in the highest, oh LORD)
Age to Age your still the same
By the power of the Name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Erkamka na adonai
(God Almighty, God Almighty, I will love you, oh LORD)
We will Praise and Lift you high
El Shaddai




Through Your Love and through the ram
You saved the son of Abraham
And by the power of your hand
Turned the sea into dry land
To the outcast on her knees
You were the God that really sees
And by your might you set your children free




El Shaddai, El Shaddai, El Elyon na Adonai
Age to Age your still the same
By power of the name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Erkamka na Adonai
We will praise and lift you high
El Shaddai




Through the years you made it clear
That the time of Christ was near
Through the people failed to see
Whatmessiah ought to be
Though your word contained the plan
They just could not understand
Your most awesome work was done
Through the fraility of your son




El Shaddai, El Shaddai, El Elyon na Adonai
Age to Age your still the same
By power of the name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Erkamka na Adonai
We will praise and lift you high
El Shaddai




El Shaddai: by Amy Grant

{photo credit: ^i^heavendarkangel2}




Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Knees ?!?!?!

Eleven is a TOUGH age! I have been trying to look back and remember what it was like....did I have growing pains??? I do not really remember any that I can think of . . . I just remember that at age 13 I was all done growing.

Last week I finally broke down and took Bailey to the Ortho because she was complaing of her knees hurting. Since she is a year round swimmer, she really needs her knees NOT to hurt!! But...I think we are hitting the age for growth spurts and the aches and pains that go with them.

I take her to a Sports Medicine Ortho - momma always told me too. Once we are escorted back to the room, the nurse begins to take Bailey's history. I just sit there and let her answer herself....I can only snicker when they get to the "have you used any drugs"...{I know that anything is possible - but Bailey is still so innocent} After all the questions have been answered, the nurse informs Bailey that she will have to put on a pair of shorts since she is wearing a skirt or the Dr will not see her. I am liking this Dr. more and more - but laughing my butt off to watch Bailey pull on these BLUE XL shorts onto her small frame {only size they had...ADULT XL} She had fun pulling them up to her nose like Urkle.

After examining all the images of the "BODY" on the wall and playing with all the "toys" {the hip and knee joints} in the room - in comes the Dr. who seems very nice - haven't seen him before {yes...Bailey has had shoulder problems and a broken wrist before} He proceeds to talk to Bailey and inquire to where the pain is exactly. Now - for all those TICKALISH people...you may know what my daughter is feeling. He pressed on either side of her knee and asked if it "HURT" Among the giggles...she said it did {Not sure how one can Laugh and Hurt at the same time!!!} Then he had her lay back and he proceeded to move her leg around to see how the knee joint was doing - NEVER have I EVER seen a knee rotate or move like that....FREAKY!!!! made my skin crawl...but he said it was all normal. He then requested x-rays - so off she goes with a nurse....seems there was a clicking in her knee.

X-rays done, in comes the Dr....with the conclusion. Tired Knees!!! Yup...my daughter has OVER Worked knees. I just paid gosh knows how much to find out that my daughter is perfectly healthy....just has tired knees!!! So now what do we do??? This is the part that broke my heart. Very calmly the Dr. looked at Bailey and told her that she would have to CUT her weekly activity by 60% {yes...SIXTY} Bailey's jaw dropped at first in shock...then you could just see her heart sink. You have to understand that Bailey is a SWIMAHOLIC!!! Swimming is her life and is determined to make the 2012 Olympics. So for this Dr. to tell her that she could NOT swim but about 4 hours a week....{out of the normal 10-12 hours she normally swims} was NOT COOL in her book. After the Dr. left the room to get her a note for school and her coach, Bailey broke down in sobs....it broke my heart to see her HURT!!! Big ole Meanie Dr.!!!

So with note in hand, she is officially out of PE for 4 weeks, using an elevator pass at school {try explaining Hurt Knees to those kids} but SWIMMING everyday!!! she has a meet this weekend. I guess somehow we will rest her knees and get her better - without giving up swimming for now {she does more pulling in swimming to alleviate the pressure on her knees}

I just hope all this HARD work pays off and she realizes her DREAM!!!


Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

MUST Read: Souvenir: by Therese Fowler

Last night while my hubby watched a movie, I sat curled up and finished reading my book Souvenir by Therese Fowler. I was in TEARS!!!!!! Therese is a LOCAL author ... living right here in good ole Raleigh, NC.!!!!!

This is from the back cover:

Meg Powell and Carson McKay grew were raised side by side on their families’ farms, bonded by a love that only deepened. Everyone in their small rural community in northern Florida thought that Meg and Carson would always be together. But at twenty-one, Meg was presented with a marriage proposal she could not refuse, forever changing the course of her life.
Seventeen years later, Meg’s marriage has become routine, and she spends her time juggling the demands of her medical practice, the needs of her widowed father, and the whims of her rebellious teenage daughter, Savannah, who is confronting her burgeoning sexuality in a dangerous manner, and pushing her mother away just when she needs her most. Then, after a long absence, Carson returns home to prepare for his wedding to a younger woman. As Carson struggles to determine where his heart and future lie, Meg makes a shocking discovery that will upset the balance of everyone around her.

The story begins in the prologue with Meg on the eve of her wedding. You feel the love between Carson and Meg, and the decision that Meg made almost had me hurling the book against the wall....but I am so glad I did not!

This novel is about a young woman choosing a life that she thought was right for her family who had come to rely on her for a lot. Meg did not want to let them down, even if it meant letting her own heart down. This novel is about a woman's journey to finding herself again and the inner peace that she gave up for her family. A journey to reclaim the relationship with her daughter and make amends.

Meg's life is filled with many things that I myself have had to cope with or will have to. There are issues about regret, coping with illness and death, teenage sexuality, shades of abusive relationships....issues that are so real. I was so drawn into this book that I could not help but cry. I lost my mother last October to cancer and I am so thankful that she began journaling about her life. It helped me see a side of her that I did not know as a daughter. Friends have even sent me letters they received from her....all windows into the woman that my mother had become. I am definitly running out to get a jounral....I have so much to say to my daughter!!!

This was Therese Fowler's first novel and the first one of her books for me. It will draw you in and make you part of the story! Read this book. It's well-written with a lot of emotional depth. The characters are likeable for all that they're a little messed up (who isn't?). And most importantly, it's the kind of book that doesn't leave you after you've turned the last page.

Check out her blog Therese Fowler or you can find her Here on Facebook.

Reunion is now out in Hardcover - running out to get it TODAY!!!!

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!