My Beautiful Daughter

My Beautiful Daughter

My beautiful daughter
You cannot know
How much my heart breaks
As I watch you grow

In time you’ll become
Independent and free
Always my daughter
And special to me

As you grow older
You will see
Through the eyes of a mother
Reflections of me

Past, present and future
All intertwined
My mother, your mother
All daughters you’ll find

Our reflections, not vanity
Mirrored lives we share
Always a daughter
Your mother, who cares.

~Julie Copeland

My mother is not with us anymore, she is smiling down on me from Heaven. There is a small part of me that is crying out, missing her very much. But to have my duaghter smile and hug me fills me with much joy. Being a mother is a TRUE BLESSING.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mommas out there!!!

It has been HOW long???

It was your typical girl meets boy at a country dance club. Back in September of 1992, my friend Jennifer dragged me out of my dorm room for a girls night out to the Longbranch which has recently closed its doors. Well.....needless to say, I met a guy. I began going to the Longbranch at least 2 nights a week.....hey ~ I wanted to DANCE!!!!! But it was nice to "run" into our group of friends. We kept "running" into each other for about a month. Then on Tuesday, 10/10/92 I went there looking for Keith and Keith came looking for me. We exchanged numbers. We talked on the phone for 2 hours the next evening and by Friday {10/13/92} on our FIRST date ~ THE STATE FAIR!!!!

It is now 10/13/09 ~ and we are happily married !!! It has been 17 years that we have been together...and I would NOT trade a day away!!!

I love you Keith ~ now and forever!!!

Her memory lives on....

On October 7th, it will be a year since my momma passed. I am doing better...I don't seem to be crying all the time....but my heart strings still tug at all the memories. I was able to get my families photo albums from my father {took a lot of patience} and it is WONDERFUL!!! I now find myself sitting here reliving so many great moments with my momma.

I have thought of getting a tattoo long before my momma passed. I knew that whatever I was going to get would be with me forever, so I was taking my time in choosing the design....also, I admit...I was chicken!!! I also have been wanting to get my nosed pierced....yup - call me CRAZY!!!

So......what changed??? Bailey and I met my friend Jen at the mall on Saturday for a girls day. Over lunch, she asked if I wanted to go with her the next day...she was going to get a new tat. I figured that I may not be ready for my tat...but I would get my nose done.

Sunday - Jen and I head off to Warlock's to meet Mark. Jen new what she wanted...I was determined to get my nose pierced....but ~ it was not in the cards for me. The piercing person was not there.....so.....where did that leave me? Getting a tattoo. Standing there in the lobby surrounded by TONS of images....what to choose. I figured it was time....time to get my guardian angel. I asked if they had cancer ribbons....they were all pink, purple, multi color....but I new mine would be pearly. {lung cancer} I found the image above and new.....this was the one. I had it placed on the inside of my left wrist so that I can look at it every day, place it close to my heart and kiss it....knowing that my momma is always with me. It hurt like HELL...I can not lie...but I am so happy that I got it. no regrets!!!

So....what about the nose piercing...that will have to wait until another day.

Heartache

Would you give up your relationship with your spouse and child just to have a relationship with your parents? {more so just one of your parents} Is having the biggest house and all the newest toys what is most important and truly needed to make one happy? Supposedly to my father you do.

My father does not know how to "love" unconditionally. Over the years, I have learned that my father is the type that likes to keep up with the "Jones". Because it is name brand or cost a lot "MUST" make it better than the rest. My momma on the other hand, loved unconditionally. She welcomed my hubby right into her family, unlike my father. During my momma's illness, I learned that my hubby was not welcome into my father's life. I have struggled with my feelings and wanting a relationship for my daughter with her grandfather. But I do not believe in sacrificing my family just so I can have a relationship with my father. My husband does not beat me, does not belittle me, provides a home for us and does what he loves ~ runs 2 companies and is a volunteer fire fighter} We may not live in a huge home {yes...it is a doublewide}, our cars are paid for, my daughter is in private school, my daughter swims year round, we have a Wii, ipods, cameras, do not mind shopping at consignment shops and vacation at the beach every year. Ask my daughter and she would tell you that she is happy. I work part-time so that I can be there to pick my daughter up every day....yet my father is embarrassed of me and feels that I am not providing for my daughter. My daughter is caring and compassionate and loves to give to others. To me, this is providing!

I grew up in an affluent family and lived in a 4000 square foot home.....and honestly don't care. That is just stuff...FAMILY is what is important to me and if you feel you need to judge me on "WHAT" I have or do not have, then I actually feel sorry for you. I have finally come to the conclusion that I will NEVER have a relationship with my father.....because my husband and daughter mean the world to me!

When you look at your life, the greatest happiness's are family happiness's. ~Joyce Brothers

ps. can you tell which pair of jeans actually cost over $800?

Happy Birthday

Today is a WONDERFUL day {yes...each day is wonderful if we are aloud to see the sun rise!!} but today would have been my momma's 72nd Birthday. A lot of you know that I lost my momma to lung cancer last October ......but I know she is forever watching over me and my family. I want to wish her a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I love you momma and miss you....



Photo: picture taken at dinner on my momma's 70th Birthday...the last one we were all able to celebrate {she was too ill last August to know anything}

Can you kick the Addiction?

I sent my baby off to middle school today {7th grade} and yes it is a Christian school, I know that she will not be shielded from all that scary stuff out there. What we did for fun back in the day is NO WHERE near what children do now. I am watching The Doctors this morning and they are dealing with teens and drugs and alcohol. It is becoming CRAZY out there and many teens are going to end up DEAD!!!!

I have dealt with many alcoholics in my life, my grandfather, my uncle, my father, my brother-in-law and friends. I have also seen what drugs can do to a person first hand..... What is hardest is that most of my family is in denial of their alcohol problems. The fact that someone has to have a glass {or 2} every day ....that is an alcoholic....you do not have to become "drunk" to be classified as an alcoholic.

What else is heartbreaking is when your family does not support those that are trying to help themselves. Once someone has admitted to having a problem and even makes the effort to get treatment, they have to make the biggest change by re-organizing their life. They have to find new friends and do things that help them to support themselves to stay "clean".... even if that means going to a meeting EVERYDAY!!! I have heard of someone who ended up back in treatment AFTER 22 YEARS clean!!! Addiction is a disease ..... and tempatations are always out there....but your family should be the BIGGEST supporters and REMOVE ALL temptations. . . . that means NO alcohol in the house!!!

I guess this show has hit me pretty strongly. I never have tried any drugs except alcohol thankfully, but I know that now a days, kids are trying more and more things. I often wonder where they come up with some of these ideas {who would have thought of putting vodka over dry ice and inhaling it????} I know my daughter is getting closer to her teen years and closer to becoming MORE independent and full of secrets. I just hope she can look back at her family and see what can happen when alcohol and drugs become the most important thing in your life. I think this is one of the greatest fears of a parent, along with your child becoming sexually active {thankfully we are not anywehere near that one!!!!} I can only talk with Bailey and be honest and open and PRAY everyday!!!

Even though my grandfather is no longer with us, my uncle and father are and I hope that one day they wake up and see what is happening to themselves before it is too late. I am very proud of my brother - in- law and I am proud to say that he is doing very well!!! We are supporting him in every way possible and he is CLEAN!!!!

Please....talk with your children and be open as much as possilbe.

Where did my lil girl go?

Today .... my baby stepped out of the car and began her 7th grade year. So many feelings for me....not sure what is going on in Bailey's mind other than "uuuuggghhh....6:30 is WAY to early!!! Where did my summer go?" I should be a "pro" at sending of my child to school ... I have been doing this since she was 4 ~ but I still want to grab her and not let go.

Rewind to 2001.....you were age 4 and getting ready to go off to K4 at Faith Lutheran. Cute bob, new uniform and a HUGE smile ~ you didn't even look back as I dropped you off in front of the school. That was one of the hardest days to go through.....watching my baby take her next step to growing up. Now it is 2009 .... and it still is hard to see you step out of the car and go off to your first day of SEVENTH grade!!! You now have contacts, a cute new haircut, a great new outfit and you are now OVER 5 feet tall!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH.....where did my little girl go????? I am so not ready for these TWEEN years. Not ready to see you "blossom"!!! Can I totally lock you in the closet until you are 30????

I hope today is GREAT for Bailey! I am still trying to figure out what to do with myself since I have lost my playmate. As it will take Bailey a few weeks to get back into the swing of school....I will have to get back into my life .... my house may actually get cleaned now!!!!

Happy First Day of School my sweet.....YOU ROCK!!!

Thankful Thursday - growing up

Today {and everyday} I am THANKFUL to God for giving me a daughter!!!! Today marks the end {*tear* tear*} of her 6th grade year.....and the beginning of a new adventure in 7th grade. I can not believe that we have 1 year of middle school under out belt. We are in the onset of puberty and I can tell I am NOT going to have a FUN ride!!!!! Girls really should come with a manual!!! I know I was a tween once....but that was soooooo LONG ago :)

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. -- Author Unknown

What I wanted most for my daughter is that she be able to soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be.-- Helen Claes


Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Thankful Thursday

Laughter -makes the world go round!

Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough.-- Red Skelton

The best thing in the whole world is to hear a child laugh....it seems to come from their toes. I could be having a horrible day ~ but to hear my daughter laugh makes my DAY!!! I am so THANKFUL for the laughter they give.

photo credit: valco

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Ya can't say NO

Mary Ruth over at "Momma Ruth Says..." has some new puppies and I LOVE puppies. During my childhood, my parents used to raise afghan hounds. When I was born, my parents had about 15 dogs in our home {that included 1 litter of puppies} ~ so try picturing a new mommy caring for her newborn as well as tending to a litter of puppies in a house of about 1200 sq ft....with ALL dogs living INSIDE!!! {can't have SHOW dogs living outside!!}

But seeing momma ruth's page made me really think that seeing a puppy can brighten up the blahest of days!!! How can you not SMILE at their sweet faces....those BIG eyes!!!

Just wanted to SHARE some "SMILES" ~ Have a beautiful week!!!

photo credits: ladyoz, scott kinmartin, believer9, hella.vella, love and luck

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

The 2 for 1 Meme ~ Happy Mother's Day

1. What is on the walls of your room? wallpaper...we have not gotten around to decorating b/c I plan on redoing the room...

2. What type of music do you listen to? all kinds...I love dance, pop, country

3. What do you want more than anything right now? to talk with my mother

4. Do you get scared in the dark? depends...sometimes it is peaceful...but if I hear "Bumps" in the night...yeah maybe

5. What's you worst fear? death

6. If you could anything right now, what would it be? pay all the debt for my hubby's companies

7. What’s the most meaningful gift that you’ve received? the last 2 years of my momma's life were a TRUE gift!!! the time we shared together

8. Do you have a crush? yeah - sshhh...don't tell my hubby :)

9. Who is your favorite celebrity? hhmm....Johnny Depp

10. Could you fall in love with someone that you know must leave? love happens and knows now boundries

11. Share a favorite quote of yours. Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time. ~Oswald Chambers

12. What’s your weakness? I am soooo impatient

13. Do you believe that we all have a soul mate? I believe that there is someone out there for everyone.

14. What were you doing before Sunday Stealing? creating a card for my mother in law.

15. What do you get complicated about the most? that would be family...life with them can be soooo complicated sometimes

16. What turns you off the most from a potential partner? body odor

17. What is you worst habit? being LOUD

18. When was the last time that you were jealous? been awhile

19. Have you ever had a “friend with benefits”? yeah - haven't we all???

20. Do you use sarcasm? sometimes...

21. At the moment, what’s you favorite song? don't have 1 in particular...like a lot of songs

22. What is you favorite day of the year? EVERYDAY!!! that the Lord blesses me with another sunrise

23. Describe your love life. I am married to the sweetest man in the world...he is my hero and my shinning knight

24. When was your last one night stand? goodness me...well over 20 years!!!

25. How many past lovers are too many? when you begin to forget how many b/c the list is so long





Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

With me FOREVER

71 years!!! I hope to reach that milestone. This week, in honor of Mother's day, I want to share my momma. As you know, this will be my first momma's day without my momma. I know she is with me in spirit...but it is still very emotional. I want to reach for the phone and call.

To all you mommas out there ~ Happy Mother's Day!!!!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

El Shaddai

Any time I am having a "tough" time....I close my eyes and lift my heart to the Lord.

My sister in law is in need of Prayer.....I lift her up to the LORD!!!

Amy Grant has always been able to give me a sense of peace when my heart is hurting.

El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Elyon no Adonai [God almighty, God almighty, God in the highest, oh LORD)
Age to Age your still the same
By the power of the Name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Erkamka na adonai
(God Almighty, God Almighty, I will love you, oh LORD)
We will Praise and Lift you high
El Shaddai




Through Your Love and through the ram
You saved the son of Abraham
And by the power of your hand
Turned the sea into dry land
To the outcast on her knees
You were the God that really sees
And by your might you set your children free




El Shaddai, El Shaddai, El Elyon na Adonai
Age to Age your still the same
By power of the name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Erkamka na Adonai
We will praise and lift you high
El Shaddai




Through the years you made it clear
That the time of Christ was near
Through the people failed to see
Whatmessiah ought to be
Though your word contained the plan
They just could not understand
Your most awesome work was done
Through the fraility of your son




El Shaddai, El Shaddai, El Elyon na Adonai
Age to Age your still the same
By power of the name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, Erkamka na Adonai
We will praise and lift you high
El Shaddai




El Shaddai: by Amy Grant

{photo credit: ^i^heavendarkangel2}




Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Love my baby girl!!!

I can feel God's hand reaching out!!

for more Wordless Wednesday visit: 5minutesformom.com

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Holy Alphabet

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love...
J oy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!"
The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.
The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.
Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.


Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Graces in my LIFE 4 & 5/365

Ok...call me a little slack!!! I have had a busy week creating and hanging with the kid {she has had spring break} and playing a TON of cards.

1. that my momma gave me a sewing machine for graduating college

2. the weather was awesome to ride the 4 wheeler and go kart

3. that Bailey and I could watch a M*A*S*H marathon!!!

4. I have the chance to cook with my mother-in-law

5. getting to pet lil chickies and duckies today!!! {soooo soft and sweet}

6. that not doing laundry wont stop the world

7. winning my first BLOG award...means a lot - I LOVE my readers!!!

8. being able to go to the rest room {that can be a whole other post}

9. eating dinner with the family

10. knowing that the LORD will provide what I NEED!!!


Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

The REAL Me....

I dont think I have really introduced myself or my family..the ones in my life who inspire me!!!

I am 38 {but like to think of myself as being Forever 29} and married to the LOVE of my life. I was born in the SOUTH, and currently reside in the South ~ NC {I try not to claim the 8 years I spent above the Mason Dixon Line}

You see...my parents must not have loved me {or they loved me too much} and sent me to boarding school in CT. It was an all girls school. I met some wonderful friends there ~ but now that I look back on things...I really would much rather have gone to the local school here in NC. Leaving home at 14 was REALLY tough ..... we will get back to that subject in a minute.

I met my hubby in my last year at NCSU {got my degree in Accounting} at the local country western bar ~ The Longbranch {now closed ..boohoo} took about a month - but after that we were inseperable and have been together for 16 1/2 years...married for almost 13 {in June} When we began to plan the wedding....my parents didnt really want anything to do with it...they claimed it was my soon to be hubby...and that I was making a mistake. Getting married without your parents there is ...well...HARD!!! {I learned much later on that my momma had NOTHING to do with it all...it was my FATHER ~ who has chosen NOT to be a part of our lives}

Our wonderful daughter came into this world 11 1/2 years ago and has been a BLESSING to us everyday!!!! Along with her came PPD!!! I kinda ignored it for a year or so...but when I got tired of being angry all the time and very moody...I decided to do something about it.

After 2 years of hit or miss therapy....I finally found a therapist that TRULY helped me. After talking with me for about a month...she came to the conclusion that I acutally had been clinically depressed since I was about 15. {back to being shipped off to school} The lack of a relationship with my father did not help it any.....sooooo ~ she put me on Effexor XR. Now..I have tried several other types of meds with no real effect.....but within a few weeks...I felt like a new person. Combined with therapy and meds.....I finally feel like I am learning WHO I AM!!!! and what I WANT in this life. {not that I was put here to please my father's every whim}

When my momma was diagnosed with cancer....well...depression HIT HARD again ..... I now knew what those people felt like on those commercials about depression {can't really function} my therapist UPPED my meds to the highest level.....and I FELT as normal as could be. In her last year in half - my momma taught me so much about LIFE.....and we became so close....I got to know my momma in a whole new light.

My family has been so supportive and been right with me everystep of the way. I lost my momma in October '08.....it was a struggle but I am making it. Life has its ups and downs ~ but I am learning to let the small things slide. I need to be more patient, learn to say NO and take more time for ME! I hope to one day come OFF the meds....and do it on my OWN!!! My mother and father in law have been a HUGE blessing in my life too!!! even more so since my mothers' passing..I credit my mother in law for teaching me how to "WING IT"

Now you have a little insight into WHO I am .....and this BLOG is my way of dealing with LIFE!!! It helps me keep my sanity :) Besides my family....my friends are a TRUE GIFT and help make life sane and FUN!!!

Depression is REAL.....listen and look for the signs. Not just YOU suffer...but everyone who touches your life. Want to learn more....check out this SITE


Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

MUST Read: Souvenir: by Therese Fowler

Last night while my hubby watched a movie, I sat curled up and finished reading my book Souvenir by Therese Fowler. I was in TEARS!!!!!! Therese is a LOCAL author ... living right here in good ole Raleigh, NC.!!!!!

This is from the back cover:

Meg Powell and Carson McKay grew were raised side by side on their families’ farms, bonded by a love that only deepened. Everyone in their small rural community in northern Florida thought that Meg and Carson would always be together. But at twenty-one, Meg was presented with a marriage proposal she could not refuse, forever changing the course of her life.
Seventeen years later, Meg’s marriage has become routine, and she spends her time juggling the demands of her medical practice, the needs of her widowed father, and the whims of her rebellious teenage daughter, Savannah, who is confronting her burgeoning sexuality in a dangerous manner, and pushing her mother away just when she needs her most. Then, after a long absence, Carson returns home to prepare for his wedding to a younger woman. As Carson struggles to determine where his heart and future lie, Meg makes a shocking discovery that will upset the balance of everyone around her.

The story begins in the prologue with Meg on the eve of her wedding. You feel the love between Carson and Meg, and the decision that Meg made almost had me hurling the book against the wall....but I am so glad I did not!

This novel is about a young woman choosing a life that she thought was right for her family who had come to rely on her for a lot. Meg did not want to let them down, even if it meant letting her own heart down. This novel is about a woman's journey to finding herself again and the inner peace that she gave up for her family. A journey to reclaim the relationship with her daughter and make amends.

Meg's life is filled with many things that I myself have had to cope with or will have to. There are issues about regret, coping with illness and death, teenage sexuality, shades of abusive relationships....issues that are so real. I was so drawn into this book that I could not help but cry. I lost my mother last October to cancer and I am so thankful that she began journaling about her life. It helped me see a side of her that I did not know as a daughter. Friends have even sent me letters they received from her....all windows into the woman that my mother had become. I am definitly running out to get a jounral....I have so much to say to my daughter!!!

This was Therese Fowler's first novel and the first one of her books for me. It will draw you in and make you part of the story! Read this book. It's well-written with a lot of emotional depth. The characters are likeable for all that they're a little messed up (who isn't?). And most importantly, it's the kind of book that doesn't leave you after you've turned the last page.

Check out her blog Therese Fowler or you can find her Here on Facebook.

Reunion is now out in Hardcover - running out to get it TODAY!!!!

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.
-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thank you for stopping by!!!

Takin the Dare....

Not sure how many of you have seen the movie "Fireproof"....but I watched it last night with the family, and boo hooed like a big baby! This movie is awesome and EVERYONE who is married or not....or in a relationship.....should watch it.

Today ~ while shopping with my mother in law, I found the book "The Love Dare"....the journal that Gabe uses in the movie. I want to begin the 40 day journey!!! I have a wonderful, kind and loving husband...and only want to strengthen our commitment and bond.

I challenge all to take the "Dare"

Live-Laugh-Love

LIVE - “The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” {Flora Whittemore} We are given one life ...... Face each new day as it was your last and treasure what you have.

LAUGH - [L]aughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. {Hugh Sidey} Laughter is the best medicine. You should not be able to laugh at a situation....but be able to laugh at yourself.

DREAM - "Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning" {Gloria Steinem} Never close your heart to any possibilities. Never loose belief in your dreams....if you do not have any dreams....what are you living for?

HOPE - "Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them." {Louisa May Alcott} Cary HOPE everywhere you go....never give in to fear for the answer is out there....always keep reaching.

LOVE - "Love is not something we find, love is something we DO." {Unknown} First, we must learn to LOVE ourselves....if we are not happy with ourselves, then how can we love others. Jesus even tells us to "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

FAITH - "Without faith a man can do nothing; with it all things are possible." {Sir William Osler } You must carry FAITH with you always. No matter how high you must climb or low you must dive, the LORD will be there with you every step of the way....just have FAITH that you are not alone.

Sitting here on this cloudy, rainy, cold day has allowed me a chance to sit quietly and really think. The last year that I spent with my momma was a real learning experience. She taught me what was important.....FAITH....LIFE.....LOVE yourself and reach for your DREAMS!!!! That there is always HOPE that things can change!!!! I do not take anything for granted any more. My family is my life as are my firends. I treasure each and every person that is in my life. {unfortunately I may not be able to have a relationship with all...it takes two for that} I thank the Lord for everything that is in my LIFE....because we may not be here to enjoy it tomorrow....